My partner in lyme

Have you ever heard the Sex and the City quote, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates & guys are just people to have fun with,”?  A year ago I would have laughed at this quote, not because I didn’t have great, supportive friends, but I always assumed I would have a serious, steady boyfriend by now.  Since becoming friends with “my shadow,” my thoughts have changed on this quote.  When I first met my shadow I saw someone who was not looking for new friends especially ones with as many problems as me.  Granted we met right after I had my PICC line yanked for the last time due to a blood infection and I was over this illness.  I was tired of trying to be positive. 

At that time my shadow needed intravenous treatment immediately due to the severity of the illness in her central nervous system.  Why would she want to be put on IV after hearing my horror stories and my negativity towards IV treatment?  It took me a little while to realize I need her.  She is my person.  Although I have met an amazing group of friends who also have Lyme disease, it is hard being the youngest in the group.  Every other one of my friends is married and has children, they have lived important chapters without Lyme disease debilitating their life and quite frankly sometimes I was jealous.  I hate to even admit that but it is the truth.  I always wonder will I be able to experience the important chapters of my life even while battling this disease.  I do eventually want to get married, have kids, and work full time. 

My shadow gets it.  She gets the disease.  She gets the same fears about the future as I do.  She gets random unbearable aches and pains just like I do.  She has been through hell and back just like me.  She has experienced the severe feelings of depression and anxiety, which no one else could even begin to relate to.  After getting a PICC line over the summer, she encountered blood clots and didn’t give up just like me.  She is a warrior.  She is someone that appreciates the little things such as a new nail polish color or ordering essential oils online and anxiously awaiting their arrival.  She is willing to drop whatever she is doing to help me if I am in need and I would/have done the same for her.  She even has a dog, just like me.  She knows what it is like to do several IVs a day and try to be a college student.  The even weirder part is we were both diagnosed with Lyme disease at the same place even though we live over an hour from each other. 

I can’t imagine living an hour and a half from her starting in the fall.  But I have come to accept that it was fate, her entering my life that is.  Someone was looking out for the two of us that day we were introduced.  She is someone that gets what I am going through, she doesn’t have to try to understand like everyone else because she experiences the same thing on a day in and day out basis.  I look at her and feel like I am looking at a mirror and seeing my reflection.  Maybe the silver lining in having Lyme disease is I found my person, my soul mate, my partner in lyme. 

Thank you for being my partner in Lyme.

"We don't met people by accident.  They are meant to cross our path for a reason."

Game Changer

I can’t believe it is already May.  I feel like with every passing month, the year is going by faster and faster.  It is not a bad thing, more so a comment as I am growing more and more excited for grad school in the fall.  I made my schedule last week and I think I was able to get classes at very decent times.  The down side to the classes I chose is that they are only once a week, so that means they are 3 hours long!  I have no classes on Tuesdays/Thursdays, which I purposefully planned so I could do my practicum on those days.

On a different note a few weeks ago, on a Tuesday evening as I was driving back to Baltimore, I broke my key while at a gas station.  The key literally broke in half inside the keyhole for the trunk.  I did not even know a key was capable of this.  The funny part is, is that I went to open the trunk just to put yoga pants on and I could have the trunk from inside the car.  I was stuck at a gas station for an hour and a half until my Dad and cousin showed up. 

The next day I had a minor procedure done at Johns Hopkins.  I was thinking I was going to be asleep for this procedure, but they put in “twilight” mode.  So I was conscious but really just high on pain medication.  Whatever it was, it did the trick.  With that being said, the doctor did not prescribe pain medication for at home.  He said in these cases it is not necessary, however I differed on his philosophy.  Luckily, I had some pain meds at home that I could take.                                      

  Driving to Hopkins                                                         Anxiously waiting at Hopkins- pre procedure

The biggest change over the last few weeks has been with my sleep.  I see an improvement.  I am finally getting the deep sleep I’ve been waiting for.  I think that is due to a combination of the essential oils (valor), parasite cleanse, and implementing cannabis oil.  I never in a million years thought I would be advocating for cannabis oil to be legal for medical reasons, but I tell you it has been a game changer.  If you aren’t sleeping, your body can’t heal.  When starting out, you only need a rice-sized amount under your tongue to be absorbed by the membranes in your mouth. 

Additionally, I have had an increase in migraines these past few weeks, which I am not sure what attributed to them.  One migraine was so bad I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital.  Speaking of the hospital, I had to go Monday night due to such severe back pain.  I had never ever had pain of this magnitude before.  Nothing would help the back pain. 2 vicodin did nothing.  I sat in the ER for 3 hours for them to tell me there was nothing they could do for me, except pain management and a steroid.  Is that a joke?!  They didn’t start an iv, take any images, or even really examine me.  My lower back by my tailbone on the right side was in excruciating pain.  There wasn’t even a position that was comfortable.  The ER said to make an appointment with an orthopedic to examine it.  I left the hospital and had a full-blown break down.  I just hysterically sobbed.  I felt hopeless and helpless.  I am always such a mystery for doctors.  I have to remember its 3 steps forward 2 steps backward, which is the nature of this disease. 

In the midst of all of this new pain, I started lauricidin, which my sister’s doctor recommended for her.  I believe it is supposed to help with viruses.  It is just something else to add to the list!  When you take as much as I do, it is hard to say what is actually helping and what you are wasting your time with.  I had re-evaluated the list of supplements I was taking a few months ago, but somehow now my list has grown again!  Another weird thing that has been happening to me is excessive hair loss!  Everytime I take a shower, clumps of hair falls out.  I have enough to spare, I just don't think it is normal to be losing that much hair.  I went to an endocrinologist yesterday and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's which explains why I gain weight then lose weight then gain weight then lose weight so quickly.  I have been in a cycle for about 4 years now of my weight yo-yoing.  She upped my thyroid medication since my thyroid is leaning towards the hypothyroidism end of the scale right now.  That is not to say in a few months it won't go back to the hyperthyroidism side.  She also said my thyroid felt prominent and firm.  She said the firm part was probably due to scar tissue.

Furthermore, in the last few weeks I celebrated Cinco De Mayo with a friend.  Who isn’t happy when they are taking tequila shots?  I also had some friends graduate which I was excited to be apart of their big day.  It was exciting to see my friends graduate with their Masters, however it is also more of a reality check that I am an adult.  Sometimes I forget that I am 22 about to be 23 in a few weeks.  Everyone in my life is growing up and preparing for the next chapter of life.  Most of my friends are in different cities, doing different careers; sometimes it can be hard to relate to them now.  Just like I am sure it is hard for them to relate to me now.  22 is such an awkward age, filled with lots of transitions. 

Cinco De Mayo

Graduating with her Masters

This weekend I have the Loudon 5k for Lyme disease to look forward to.  I am going with my best friend who lives in Northern Virginia and meeting other good friends there. 

“I am learning to trust this journey even when I do not understand it.”