When you feel defeated...

Everyone has times when they begin to wonder why they have held on as long as they did, I am at that point.  This has been an extremely rough week and a half off of antibiotics; my body is not detoxing and I feel very toxic.  My pain seems to be worse off of antibiotics and that concerns me and makes me think that I will need antibiotics for the rest of my life.  I know that is an irrational thought, but sometimes it is hard to think rationally when I feel this way.

Does anyone else ever feel worse off of antibiotics?  If so, what do they do?

I found this quote and then edited it to give me a little project to distract me from worrying about other things.  All I can say is hang in there.  Things will get better.  I am speaking to everyone and myself.  

Plot Twist

My new year started off with a bang to say the least!  I went to my LLMD at the beginning of January and found out that I would have ANOTHER round of Tigecycline.  I was able to do Tigecycline before but I was exhausted and nauseous, in addition to every Lyme symptom being exacerbated.  That round was doable because I was home and I could rest and do nothing at all for days at a time if that was what I needed, that’s what winter break is for a college student anyways!  

Before I was even able to begin this next round of intense IV treatment and oral antibiotic treatment, I began to feel very sick.  If this was a Herxheimer reaction, this was one I had never felt before.  It was Martin Luther King Monday; I woke up with a fever so high that I couldn’t get out of bed.  I had texted two of my three roommates just waiting for them to wake up to devise a plan.  By the time my roommate Megan had woken up, I told her I had to get to the hospital.  I was very thankful that my other roommate Jackie took me to the hospital and waited with me all day until I was able to be seen by a doctor and had the appropriate test ran to figure out what was going on.

By this time the doctor had decided to pull my PICC line, because my fever was 104.3 and told me I would be staying overnight to be monitored.  I was in complete panic mode.  I was not ready to have my PICC line pulled, I still had another round of IV treatment left, was my thought process.  That first night my blood pressure dropped to low 70’s/over low 30’s, scary experience to say the least; ironically it did that the second night as well.  I had to stay in the hospital for three nights, four days.  They did culture the tip of my PICC line and found out that I had a gram-negative rod, so the consensus was that I had sepsis based on a few of my other symptoms as well!  I was given Vancomycin every 8 hours and then Rocephin twice a day.  When I was discharged I was instructed to take Cipro twice a day for 10 days. 

Sepsis, septic shock, gram negative rods, picc lines -->  These were words I never thought I would know the meanings of, but now they are part of my vocabulary.  In some ways I feel like I was robbed of part of my innocence by having to deal with such uncertainty and illness at such a young age.  Then on the other hand I am much more mature then a lot of my friends and I do attribute that to my illness because I never would have had that driving force to grow up until many years later. 

I thought I was done with my IV antibiotic therapy since my PICC line was out, but my doctor had decided to put one back in after I finished my sepsis antibiotic treatment.  SO I am not without a PICC currently.  I did just finish my Tigecycline round that I was supposed to start January 27^th; I started it February 3^rd and just finished my CoArtem on Wednesday.  Now I am just trying to detox; I am experiencing some of the most pain I have experienced in awhile including nerve pain in my back/neck, frontal headaches, swollen glands, cognitive confusion, word retrieval issues, and more.  But I know I will get through this, plus I now have something to look forward to, I am going to Florida for spring break! 

“Take vacations—go as many places as you can—you can always make money, you can’t always make memories.” 

One of Life's Little Gifts

A few days ago, my friend Beth loves to read blogs and happened to stumble across Kimmiecakeskickslyme's blog, she forwarded me the link because she realized that Kimmie was on the exact same protocol as me at Dr. J's!  I have never met anyone or spoken to anyone that was on the exact same protocol so I was ecstatic!  I have been emailing Kimmie back and forth ever since and Kimmie is another person, whose life has been severely affected by Lyme disease in addition to coinfections.  I am lucky to have found someone who is walking the path as I walk the path.  I have a ton of friends that have already walked the path and are at different stages of Lyme treatment, but none that are at the same stage, so I consider this one of life's little gifts.  

Here is the link to her blog, I encourage you to watch her five minute video to hear her individual story. 

http://kimmiecakeskickslyme.wordpress.com/about/

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

My year in photographs

My year began in California- Disneyland

Shortly after the new year, my boyfriend and I broke up

My cousin and I

Bikram yoga

Susan Green and I after I testified for the Virginia bill (Lyme disease testing)

My roommates and I at the puppy farm

Erika and I after the 5k color run

My PICC line was placed at George Washington hospital in D.C..

Stevie was born, May 24th 2013

My  sister graduated high school.

I turned 21!

The 4th of July with my sister and friend!

I took a summer class to try and stay sane while undergoing the IV therapy!

My best friend Paige from California came for a visit in July!

We visited a lavender farm!

I crashed my car.

My sister got her pilot's license.

I was my sister's first passenger.

Two of my roommates and I going to see Florida Georgia Line in Richmond.

My roommates and I going to celebrate Meghan's 21st birthday.

Finally meeting Mandy Hughes and seeing that people with Lyme do get better!

A few of my favorite Lymies :)

Two of my roomies and I apple picking in October!

I had the pleasure of meeting John Donnally who biked across the U.S. to raise awareness for Lyme disease.

For Christmas my parents got me a mini labradoodle!

My roommies and I being goofs!

My sister and I sitting on Santa's lap.

Stevie opening his Christmas gift from his Auntie!

Dinner with my family (including grandma) to reflect on the previous year. 

I must say I am very thankful for everything.  Even though I have experienced hardship and pain; I have also experienced joy and happiness.  I don't know what 2014 will bring but I am grateful for the experiences and opportunities that 2013 brought.  One goal for 2014 is to travel more, seeing as I have been extremely ill for the past few years I have not done near the amount of traveling that I have wanted to, so that is my goal.  It would mean that I am moving in the right direction with my health; I hope to keep you updated on places that I am able to see even if they are right next to where I live!

"If we were meant to stay in one place, we'd have roots instead of feet, he said."

Believe in tomorrow

http://www.cbn.com/tv/2736238685001

"Believe in tomorrow. For tomorrow holds a range of possibilities."