The Last Supper

Today felt just like the last supper since I am getting my PICC placed in the morning.  It poured rain all day which reflected my mood, but I still despite the rain decided to walk outside in my neighborhood just because it didn't matter today if my arms got wet.  Tomorrow it will be an issue because the PICC is not allowed to get wet.  Summer is approaching and I will once again not be allowed to swim in the ocean or in swimming pools unless I wear my cover and even then I am not supossed to, that would be a very rebellious day for me!  Last summer I only immersed my arm in water one time and that was the ocean because I truly do believe that salt water is a natural healer, which is based off of one of my favorite quotes, "The cure for anything is salt water- tears, sweat, and the sea."  I was lucky that nothing happened that one time I did immerse my arm under water; don't get me wrong it was completely covered by a drycorp but still!  I shouldn't take such big risks when it comes to something so serious, a PICC line.  I also practiced yoga today and made sure I put a lot of pressure on my arms and shoulders since I know after tomorrow that will be limited for quite some time again.  I know I will be able to still practice yoga it will just be modified.

My epsom salt bath and then 20 minute long shower was what made the day truly feel like the last supper.  I think that is what I miss most when I have my PICC in, a normal shower without having to worry about getting it wet or water in my dressing.  I was very paranoid last time, some could possibly argue too paranoid, that bathing would be a complete ordeal for me and that is one thing I am dreading again.  It is so hard to shampoo/conditioner/wash your body/shave your legs with ONE ARM!  I challenge you to try it sometime especially opening the shampoo containers and such that is where the real challenge lies.  I wanted to make sure I made this bath and shower as relaxing as possible for me; I even played all of my favorite songs while I was in the bath just relaxing and thinking about all of the things that were going to change, but how I was going to make the best out of it.  I have a much stronger support system this summer and I am ready for whatever challenges I may face!

Today I made a summer contract with myself to hold myself accountable for things that will be necessary for me to continue doing or start doing to not isolate myself over the summer and remain as healthy as I can be given the course of treatment I will be undergoing.  I recognize that it is hard to hold myself accountable especially whild undergoing treatment so I sent the contract to my cousin as well asking for her constant love and support with me through this.  Her encouraging words have helped fuel me to want to never give up.  I was talking to her one day in the spring as I was breaking down and I was talking to her about giving up, and she said something along the lines of don't give up, you never know how close you are to the end.  This was said in the context of fighting Lyme disease and continuing with treatment and she was so right; I am so glad I did not give up because I am feeling a huge turn around point once I start IV antibiotics tomorrow!

One closing remark before I go to bed considering I have to get up in 5 hours to drive to DC to get my PICC placed, I have the first procedure time 7:30!  I must admit I am growing anxious; I have already had it done twice, it shouldn't be a big deal now.  Because I have had one bad experience my mind automatically associates a PICC procedure with that one bad time even though the second time I was much smoother, at least it is a different hospital!  The point I am trying to share though is that I have never felt so empowered sharing my Lyme experience than I have through just one simple blog post.  I have had numerous people tell me that his or her story is similar and that they wish they could share their story or their feelings like I am right now and my words of wisdom for you is everyone gets there at their own pace, it is just like Lyme treatment.  I didn't tell anyone I had Lyme last other then a few close friends, family and my roommates, but now I want to help other people by sharing my story and letting other people know they are not alone in their feelings or experiences.  I just want to spread awareness for this disease that has taken so much from me, my family, and from many people I have become blessed to have met along my journey and for the thousands of other people suffering in silence.


H-->Have
O-->Only
P-->Positive
E-->Expectations