Since going back on the medication I have noticed my energy
level has plummeted, but my pain level has significantly decreased. Like I said on my previous post, I
had never felt pain like I did when I stopped my medication cold turkey. I am frustrated with side effects that
are making me sleepy, especially while my best friend is here. I know I made the right decision to go
back on my meds, but at the same time I always have moments where I second
guess myself and think is it truly worth it. I seem to need more naps which can be frustrating.
I also noticed something extremely uncharacteristic of
myself that occurred last night; I didn’t check my grade for my online summer
class right away. Typically I am
checking compulsively every hour until the teacher puts it up, but in my mind
last week I was so focused on death and succumbing to death that a grade didn’t
matter. How was a grade going to
help me if I were dead, I had way bigger things I was focused on last
week. Anyways, I did check my
grade last night and I got a B+ and I actually was pleased with myself, usually
I would have needed the A- but you know what I am alive. That is what matters.
“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
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