The Sunrise Attempt

I only started my antibiotics on Monday and I feel like it has already been such a trip or maybe that’s just life!  I know people say it will get better, but when.

On Monday my initial intention was to show Paige a sunrise from Reddish Knob; it has become a James Madison tradition.  We woke up at 4:20 AM and threw on clothes to make sure we were going to be there in time for this sunrise and long story short I ended up picking the longest route to get there and I was driving to fast, swerved to miss deer, and crashed my car on a gravel road.  That isn’t even the worst part in my opinion, we are about 5 miles from the West Virginia border at 5 AM and there is absolutely no cell reception and we do not have any recollection of seeing any little mini markets.

We spent several hours with a tow truck driver named Jim, who was perverted, racist, and definitely a Republican.  He liked to share his views with Paige and I and liked to share stories about his 3 divorcées and his current marriage, but he could not accept that it did not matter what he was going to talk about I was shutting down.  I really wanted to start this antibiotic protocol off right; I completely froze in the tow truck at times to the point where I couldn’t even think like form sentences or think of words.  I hadn’t taken any medications yet that day, so needless to say not a good idea!

Anyway, the car was totaled.  I am numb, very numb.  I feel like I failed yet again and that I can’t win; I had great intentions.  I at least got up again the next day to try again so that is a positive.  But, when I did wake up I found out that the car is totaled so that is just what I needed to hear to try to stay positive.  The cost of a car comparable to what I was driving is about one month of IV antibiotics, so you can see what I am debating in my head.  I feel like it is one test after another and these tests were sent to the wrong girl. 

-Every thing sends me into a crying fit these daysà I am overly emotional

-I am also not really sleeping that much because I am super anxious about the future

-I have muscular, joint, and nerve pain but that isn’t newà bad headaches

-I also had a pretty bad right hand spasm the other day

-I can't think at all

-These are a few of the symptoms that I can think of off the top of my head, which doesn’t count for anything really at all

The only person I have been honest with about how I am feeling is Paige and luckily her trip has been extended because I don’t know what I would do without her.  She is staying until the 6^th thank god!  After our stressful day we did Bikram yoga, to be honest I have no idea why, but I am thankful we did because I felt like I got a lot of emotions out in that room and I have to start somewhere with this healing of the mind, body, and soul. 

Also for any other Lymies following this blog have you noticed nausea and intense drowsiness with IV Clindamycin?

“A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.”