It's funny how day to say it feels like nothing has changed, but when I compare different years I feel like everything has changed. 2 summers ago I was on Iv antibiotics thinking I was going to die. Now I am able to work, contribute to my expenses, and be present in the moment. That is a huge improvement! Don't get me wrong I still have a ways to go but I am heading in the right direction. It is easy to get discouraged with this disease, so any progress in the right direction is something to celebrate.
These past few months, I have been working a LOT. I nanny Monday-Thursday from 8-4pm then work at a boy's group home on Saturday and Sundays from 9-5pm and sometimes 5-10pm during the week if needed. By Thursday evening I am exhausted to the point of tears but I have to work to save money for grad school. One huge benefit to working at the boy's home is now I can bring Kona with me to work. 
Kona sleeping on the job.
Luckily I was seeing my neurologist the very next day. He was able to give me toradol mixed with lidocaine injections in my neck and head. The shots on my right side caused me to scream out in pain. However the shots were totally worth it. He also gave me a shot in my sciatic joint to help with my new sciatic pain. My left leg is shorter than my right which caused the sciatic for me. He also prescribed Rizatriptan for migraines. It works by narrowing dilated blood vessels in the brain, relieving migraines. It has actually really helped me. Furthermore he prescribed me Pristiq for my worsening depression. Most antidepressants have not worked for me. I have had positive experiences with Wellbutrin and Effexor, but I can't be on Wellbutrin with adderall and Effexor takes awhile to build up in your system. That is how I decided to try Pristiq, apparently it is similar to Effexor. I had been benefiting from Pristiq but I just learned that it contains gluten. Now I am faced with a decision; either take the Pristiq and deal with the gluten issues or be psycho depressed! I also underwent an extensive virus testing. I am igg positive for EBV, Chlamydia pneumoniae, HSV 1+2, CMV, and HH-6. I think it is safe to say it is time for an antiviral! Most of Dr. J's patients have done antivirals while on IV but for some reason I skated by and never did it.
I have been very diligent with being paleo for the past 9 days. Absolutely no cheating. I also started taking Calm Magnesium at night before bed. I thought this would be another scam I read about in one of the hundreds of Lyme groups that I am apart of. But I was wrong I am not near as achy and I am sleeping deeper. I was getting tired of taking multiple giant magnesium pills. Additionally I changed my thyroid medication to a long lasting version of Cytomel. It is also a much higher dose than I was on previously.
Furthermore I have been experiencing stabbing pain, that comes and goes in waves, in my abdominal region, so my doctor ordered an ultrasound of my pelvis and abdomen. They found 2 kidney stones on my left side and a large cyst on my right ovary. While these are just more problems to add to the list, I feel a sense of validation that there is something actually wrong with me. I felt weak for having such severe pain that occasionally requires painkillers. I felt bad for the ultrasound technician because I know legally she can't "diagnose" me so I would ask a thousand questions like "if I had a cyst what would it look like?" then she would give me a lengthy description and I would look at the screen. I learned that cysts would appear dark black on the screen and kidney stones would be bright white and have a shadow. I am waiting patiently to see my doctor about what to do with these results. I also have an appointment with a urologist coming up soon. My doctor was also supportive of the use of cannabis oil as long as I was getting it from a safe source which I am! He also recommended help oil since that is legal but I have read on various blogs that it isn't as effective. The cannabis oil has done wonders for my sleep, so why fix something that isn't broken. I finally am sleeping; I hadn't slept in years.
I do feel like a hypocrite though. My dream jobis to be an addictions therapist, yet I use cannabis oil for medicinal benefits. Couldn't everyone use the excuse that a certain drug helps them medicinally? This is an internal debate that I am struggling with right now.
Additionally I have learned my grandma has ovarian cancer, stage 3B to be exact. She will need 6 rounds of chemotherapy. I joked with her that we could be port twins! She didn't find that as amusing as I did. Prayers are appreciated. My cousin has now been at his wilderness therapy camp for 4.5 weeks and is finally having a turn around! It is easy to judge what we don't experience. I and others found it easy to judge my cousin's moms parenting, but then when he was living with my parents I finally understood what his poor mother was going through and I give her a lot of credit.
As for the positives- My sister is home from Oman now. She had a great trip but she is happy to be home too. We are all going to the beach for a few days next week! This hasn't happened in years so needless to say we are all counting down the days. Another positive was I got to go to Luke Bryan with a good friend, Ainsley. I had a great night that was much needed.
Bumper
I am preparing to move out of my townhouse in Harrisonburg on Saturday. It is a sad reality that I am leaving Harrisonburg for good. It has been my home for the past 4 years and I have grown immensely in this town. The good news is I found a row house in Baltimore for the upcoming school year. My roommate will be a first year medical school student. I am glad we are in different departments so we won't always be together.
I feel like the summer is flying by, how can it already be mid July?!
The little boy I nanny-Morgan
I survived my birthday on May 31st. It was the most depressed I had been in awhile. I wanted to die. I was manic in the evening. I was obsessively cleaning, when the family I nannyed for called to wish me a happy birthday, I don't know what I would have done if they had not called. Never forget to tell the people that are important to you that you care about them because you never know what they are going through and just how much it will mean to them. I needed to hear that more than anything. I had to take Xanax and vape, in order to turn down my racing thoughts. The very next day I was driving home to Maryland when I totalled my car. It was pouring down rain and I hydroplanned into 2 guard rails. I couldn't help but feel guilty like as if I was trying to kill myself. When I wrecked, my car was in the middle of the road. A man named Nicholas pulled over and calmed me down. He got in the car with me and walked me through exactly what I needed to do. He called 911 for me. The ambulance took me to the hospital where they did a CT scan. I had to wait for the results of the CT scan before they could take care of my pain. They were checking for bleeding in my brain. Luckily there was no bleeding in my brain and I was able to get pain meds. I was literally screaming out in pain.
My car after the accident.
Luckily I was seeing my neurologist the very next day. He was able to give me toradol mixed with lidocaine injections in my neck and head. The shots on my right side caused me to scream out in pain. However the shots were totally worth it. He also gave me a shot in my sciatic joint to help with my new sciatic pain. My left leg is shorter than my right which caused the sciatic for me. He also prescribed Rizatriptan for migraines. It works by narrowing dilated blood vessels in the brain, relieving migraines. It has actually really helped me. Furthermore he prescribed me Pristiq for my worsening depression. Most antidepressants have not worked for me. I have had positive experiences with Wellbutrin and Effexor, but I can't be on Wellbutrin with adderall and Effexor takes awhile to build up in your system. That is how I decided to try Pristiq, apparently it is similar to Effexor. I had been benefiting from Pristiq but I just learned that it contains gluten. Now I am faced with a decision; either take the Pristiq and deal with the gluten issues or be psycho depressed! I also underwent an extensive virus testing. I am igg positive for EBV, Chlamydia pneumoniae, HSV 1+2, CMV, and HH-6. I think it is safe to say it is time for an antiviral! Most of Dr. J's patients have done antivirals while on IV but for some reason I skated by and never did it.
I have been very diligent with being paleo for the past 9 days. Absolutely no cheating. I also started taking Calm Magnesium at night before bed. I thought this would be another scam I read about in one of the hundreds of Lyme groups that I am apart of. But I was wrong I am not near as achy and I am sleeping deeper. I was getting tired of taking multiple giant magnesium pills. Additionally I changed my thyroid medication to a long lasting version of Cytomel. It is also a much higher dose than I was on previously.
Furthermore I have been experiencing stabbing pain, that comes and goes in waves, in my abdominal region, so my doctor ordered an ultrasound of my pelvis and abdomen. They found 2 kidney stones on my left side and a large cyst on my right ovary. While these are just more problems to add to the list, I feel a sense of validation that there is something actually wrong with me. I felt weak for having such severe pain that occasionally requires painkillers. I felt bad for the ultrasound technician because I know legally she can't "diagnose" me so I would ask a thousand questions like "if I had a cyst what would it look like?" then she would give me a lengthy description and I would look at the screen. I learned that cysts would appear dark black on the screen and kidney stones would be bright white and have a shadow. I am waiting patiently to see my doctor about what to do with these results. I also have an appointment with a urologist coming up soon. My doctor was also supportive of the use of cannabis oil as long as I was getting it from a safe source which I am! He also recommended help oil since that is legal but I have read on various blogs that it isn't as effective. The cannabis oil has done wonders for my sleep, so why fix something that isn't broken. I finally am sleeping; I hadn't slept in years.
I do feel like a hypocrite though. My dream jobis to be an addictions therapist, yet I use cannabis oil for medicinal benefits. Couldn't everyone use the excuse that a certain drug helps them medicinally? This is an internal debate that I am struggling with right now.
Additionally I have learned my grandma has ovarian cancer, stage 3B to be exact. She will need 6 rounds of chemotherapy. I joked with her that we could be port twins! She didn't find that as amusing as I did. Prayers are appreciated. My cousin has now been at his wilderness therapy camp for 4.5 weeks and is finally having a turn around! It is easy to judge what we don't experience. I and others found it easy to judge my cousin's moms parenting, but then when he was living with my parents I finally understood what his poor mother was going through and I give her a lot of credit.
As for the positives- My sister is home from Oman now. She had a great trip but she is happy to be home too. We are all going to the beach for a few days next week! This hasn't happened in years so needless to say we are all counting down the days. Another positive was I got to go to Luke Bryan with a good friend, Ainsley. I had a great night that was much needed.
At the Luke Bryan concert
And one of my best friends is home from California, which lines up with my week off of work! Talk about fate! Additionally, I have graduated from pole 2 and am headed to pole 3. There is something about pole dancing that is so free of judgement. It is all girls and the instructor is great! She has created a safe, non judgmental atmosphere. I hope to continue pole dancing in Baltimore, something about it is therapeutic. My graduation day from pole 1
As if I didn't have enough on my plate, I attempted to foster a dog for a woman who was not fit to be a foster mom. His name was Bumper and I had him for almost 2 weeks, but he would not stop peeling in the house so I couldn't keep him. Speaking of judging a book by its cover, I judged Bumper when I saw him, thinking he was going to be vicious because he was half pit. I couldn't have been more wrong. He was the sweetest, most loving dog. I hope he goes to a good home.
I am preparing to move out of my townhouse in Harrisonburg on Saturday. It is a sad reality that I am leaving Harrisonburg for good. It has been my home for the past 4 years and I have grown immensely in this town. The good news is I found a row house in Baltimore for the upcoming school year. My roommate will be a first year medical school student. I am glad we are in different departments so we won't always be together.
I feel like the summer is flying by, how can it already be mid July?!
"There will be many chapters in your life. Don't get lost in the one you are in now."
