Believe in tomorrow

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"Believe in tomorrow. For tomorrow holds a range of possibilities."

First Dose Tige Done!

I survived my first dose of tige last night, so that can only mean good things to come hopefully!  While I did survive my first dose of tige, I think I have been pushing my body too much because yesterday I got a vitamin C IV drip, I worked out, and got a lymphatic drainage massage.  My body can only handle so many new things at once, today I feel hung over and nauseous.  Luckily, I only saved a small amount of last minute shopping to do today so I should be able to grab a nap this afternoon. 

While on the phone with my Dad yesterday, I suddenly began to sob when I realized what I was doing for New Years Eve in comparison to last year.  Last year I spent New Years Eve in Los Angeles with Paige and it was the perfect night.  We got dressed up, ate dessert first, had a glass of wine, and just laughed!  Anything I do with that girl is a good laugh.  I just grew depressed thinking about how much I miss her and how this year my plan was to just go downtown with a very good friend to a bar.  Although I am excited to be doing something with a good friend, I know nothing will compare to what I did last year.  The sobbing that began on the phone with my Dad has now initiated a downward spiral in my mind because I realized how to people heal from such a significant wound, (Lyme disease and coinfections).  I can get better physically, but after being sick for a 1/3^rd of my life when I am only 21 is a hard emotional battle to overcome. 

Last year with Paige starting with our dessert!

I am sure it is a battle that I will overcome with time.

“She believed she could so she did.”

Happy Holidays!

End of Fall Semester 2013!

With the completion of my fall semester, many exciting things have happened.  For one, I finished the semester with a 3.4 GPA; although I was hoping for Dean’s list, which is a 3.5 GPA I am extremely pleased with pulling off a 3.4 GPA.  It is not easy trying to balance a 15 credit hour semester with being sick, but I would say I managed just find in the end. 

In addition, my best friend Taylor graduated from James Madison University and that was the first friend I physically watched graduate from college.  I have to admit it was a little sad especially considering how close Taylor and I are; luckily Taylor is staying for her Master’s at JMU.  I guess you can say that I am spoiled in that sense.  One thing that I have had to keep confronting this past semester that will only continue to grow worse is the fact that all of my friends are graduating next semester and I am not.  I am staying for an extra semester and I know a handful of people staying if that.  I am going to be devastated when all of my friends graduate and I am the only one left.

One new thing in my life to help with all of the change is that I got a puppy!  Two weeks ago right before the semester ended my parents told me that after much debate they finally had decided that they were going to get me a mini Labradoodle for Christmas.  He is currently 15 weeks and with every day he gets better and better with listening to directions.  He is a great companion.

As far as being sick goes, the last protocol was okay in the beginning until I got to the CoArtem.  The CoArtem always hits me hard and gives me the worst night sweats, which means my Babesia is still active and strong.  I still have a list of symptoms a mile long, but the doctor was optimistic at my appointment on Friday.  They were happy with my improvements and while I still have a ways to go, it is always nice when someone else is able to see the improvements in you.  I am still really struggling with neck/back pain, headaches, sleep, night sweats, chest pain, difficulty breathing, memory, word retrieval, rib pain, and REOCCURING EAR INFECTIONS!  The reoccurring ear infections in the right ear has got to be the most annoying symptom I have because I have had it since June and my ear is just so raw right now.  Sometimes wind can blow and irritate my ear to the point where I cry because of how sensitive my ear is.  Also, I didn’t follow my last protocol to a tee because I forgot to take the xylitol and I feel like that is pretty essential for the protocol. 

On Friday I test dosed Tigecycline and I tolerated it well; I did dose Zofran before and after for nausea.  While I did tolerate Tige in the office, something tells me this next protocol will kick my ass!   Luckily I am home on break and really my only job is to treat this disease and it is easier while at home because I don’t have any real stress other than what I put on myself.  This will be a great month for getting better and de-stressing! 

Since I have had some spare time I was fortunate enough to get together with some friends in DC who were all in town to go to the clinic.  One beautiful thing to come out of such a nasty disease are the friends that I have met along the way:

Anyways until next time: “Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.”

Doing you.

How does one cope when only 21 and feels like everything around her was taken from?  The holidays are a hard time to continue to smile and keep my chin up when things feel like they are slipping out of my fingertips.  In just a few short days I will have completely another semester.  I can hardly believe it.  I continue to amaze myself and it does feel good to make strides and progress in everything that I do, but the holidays are nonetheless a difficult time.  Despite my illness, I manage to get great grades (well hopefully), score internships, and still be an active member of the community.  But, it is not enough if I don’t have my health.  The worst thing response a parent can get when they ask what you want for Christmas, is your health.

Going home for Christmas shakes up my routine every year and this year I have an entire month off.  I love going home do not get me wrong.  But, I am so used to living on my own and doing what I want, when I want.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents are pretty good about not babying me when I come back home, however I think I just associate my house with terrible memories.  High school was very rough because I was sick and did not know what was wrong; I think I have flashbacks when I am home.  As dramatic as this sounds, it is almost like PTSD, probably a lesser form.  

In addition, the holidays can be very stressful and as it is I am already someone who is under constant stress, so my body can only handle so much before my mind and body snaps.  I once was told, a coping strategy whether it be healthy or unhealthy is something your body adopts to help you survive in that moment and I know that seems very basic but if you ACTUALLY think about it, it is so true.  I have had some unhealthy coping styles before, but they have survived some purpose for me or I would not have kept it.  I am trying to be as proactive as possible this year because I know the effects I can have on others.  I can hurt people; I can hurt myself (emotionally).  It is not healthy for anyone. 

This year I will probably be on one of the most intense antibiotic regiments you can be on for Lyme on Christmas and there after, so I think in a way that will allow me to focus on my health.  I am usually burnt out after breaks because I feel like I have to fit so much into a small amount of time but this break I really want to focus on my health and myself.  It is not that I am being selfish, it is that I am taking care of myself; there is a fine difference and I hope others can see that as well. 

“Do your thing. Do it unapologetically.  Don’t be discouraged by criticism.  You probably already know what they’re going to say.  Pay no mind to the fear of failure.  It’s far more valuable than success.  Take ownership, take chances, and have fun.  And no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.”