The past few days have been a mix of the good the bad and
the ugly, but then again I guess that is how life is a mix of good and
bad. People always say you have to
experience the bad to experience the good. What does that even mean for someone who has had Lyme
disease for years now and is about to turn 21. I am struggling with my 21st birthday just nine
days away. I have hated birthdays
for the past five years now because in my mind they represent another year of
struggling with my ongoing battle with Lyme disease. For a few of those years I was fighting an undiagnosed
battle, so at least this time the battle is diagnosed and I have a doctor that
I have faith in. It still doesn’t
make it any easier in my mind that I am turning 21 and this is where I am in my
life. I would love to be your
typical 21 year old, experiencing life this summer with an internship and going
out with my friends on the weekends for drinks, but instead I will be doing
daily infusions, praying that they work.
Recap of the past few days
I
was feeling super trapped at home with my parents and decided to drive to
Harrisonburg where I still have my lease for the entire summer to visit some
friends. I get great joy in
visiting with my friends; they always raise me up when I am feeling low and now
that I am becoming more comfortable about my current situation I do not mind
talking about my Lyme disease with them.
So, Sunday night my friend Craig took my friend Austin and I to a
Mennonite family’s house to make pretzels from scratch and the family ended up
playing guitar and singing songs!
It was so inspirational and uplifting; it was honestly just what I
needed. They were genuinely happy,
never had I met people so welcoming and happy. I left pondering if I would ever be that happy and if so
when.
Then,
Monday I was able to see my friend Taylor who I also love talking to, I just
wish our schedules weren’t so conflicting so I would be able to see her
more. Luckily, every time I see
her it is as though nothing has changed, that is my favorite Taylor quality. I am appreciative for having a friend
like that! *On Monday I noticed I
was very fatigued I do think the Merrem maybe kicking in or having some effect
now.
I
also was able to celebrate my roommate’s birthday at midnight with her, which
was awesome! I am glad I didn’t
miss out on that and isolate myself by not going out with her because usually I
would have said no, but this time I decided yes. The night ended up a little bit on the crazy side, but all
in all everyone ended up alive in the morning!
Tuesday
I woke up at 7:30 to go with my new good friend Kelsey to have a mole removed
and talking to Kelsey always puts me in a great mood! She is a great listener! Plus watching them remove the mole was kind of a cool
process. Tuesday morning though, I
did notice both knees were swollen, I also had a pretty bad frontal headache
and I just felt sluggish. As the
days progress I am beginning to feel worse, which concerns me.
The
best part of my day though was probably creating a happy list with my friend
Linda while doing my lactated ringer drip. She struggled to think of things that made her happy; she
has been extremely pessimistic lately.
I was able to get her to list a few things. Then at 6:45pm she texted me a list of things that make her
happy and it was me, irises, cardinals, salsa, hula hooping, acupuncture,
Mexican food, smiles, and thanking people. I was overjoyed that she did this all on her own and sent it
to me. I draw a lot of my
inspiration from this woman; she has sacrificed a lot of her own health for her
sons and family and she has been such a trooper. I am lucky to have met her.
I
went on a very long walk with my friend Megan last night just to destress and
catch up! It had been so long
since I had seen her since our schedules are opposing. She made me think of things in such a
different way; she opened my eyes to solving problems in my life. She made me realize that problems
aren’t going to be solved by calling people out because everyone does things
wrong, its innate, its about working through them together. She used it in reference with God and
sinning, but since I am not religious I just think of it that way.
I
did not sleep well last night I don’t know why, which is concerning because I need
sleep to heal. I woke up early to
go take my techtest because I have a hold on my James Madison University
account and I need to drop a class and of course the lab is closed for a few
days!!! That was extremely
frustrating like beyond frustrating.
But it happens. That just
meant I was able to go on a long walk with my friend Rachel, which I was also
grateful for. I hadn’t seen her in
awhile and she was graduating. She
filled me in on her life and vice versa; she isn’t moving far away from here so
luckily I will be able to see her still!
I loved getting some sunshine today I think that is what kept my sanity
until my phone call with my mom J
it is 86 degrees!!!
My Mom called me at 4:30pm and I randomly
just broke down when she asked me what I wanted exactly for my 21st birthday.
Symptom update:
-appetite decreasing
-sleep is disturbed
-swelling in joints
-very spacey
-memory loss is becoming more noticeable
-word loss
-fatigue
Here is my ending quoteà
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”
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