Doing you.

How does one cope when only 21 and feels like everything around her was taken from?  The holidays are a hard time to continue to smile and keep my chin up when things feel like they are slipping out of my fingertips.  In just a few short days I will have completely another semester.  I can hardly believe it.  I continue to amaze myself and it does feel good to make strides and progress in everything that I do, but the holidays are nonetheless a difficult time.  Despite my illness, I manage to get great grades (well hopefully), score internships, and still be an active member of the community.  But, it is not enough if I don’t have my health.  The worst thing response a parent can get when they ask what you want for Christmas, is your health.

Going home for Christmas shakes up my routine every year and this year I have an entire month off.  I love going home do not get me wrong.  But, I am so used to living on my own and doing what I want, when I want.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents are pretty good about not babying me when I come back home, however I think I just associate my house with terrible memories.  High school was very rough because I was sick and did not know what was wrong; I think I have flashbacks when I am home.  As dramatic as this sounds, it is almost like PTSD, probably a lesser form.  

In addition, the holidays can be very stressful and as it is I am already someone who is under constant stress, so my body can only handle so much before my mind and body snaps.  I once was told, a coping strategy whether it be healthy or unhealthy is something your body adopts to help you survive in that moment and I know that seems very basic but if you ACTUALLY think about it, it is so true.  I have had some unhealthy coping styles before, but they have survived some purpose for me or I would not have kept it.  I am trying to be as proactive as possible this year because I know the effects I can have on others.  I can hurt people; I can hurt myself (emotionally).  It is not healthy for anyone. 

This year I will probably be on one of the most intense antibiotic regiments you can be on for Lyme on Christmas and there after, so I think in a way that will allow me to focus on my health.  I am usually burnt out after breaks because I feel like I have to fit so much into a small amount of time but this break I really want to focus on my health and myself.  It is not that I am being selfish, it is that I am taking care of myself; there is a fine difference and I hope others can see that as well. 

“Do your thing. Do it unapologetically.  Don’t be discouraged by criticism.  You probably already know what they’re going to say.  Pay no mind to the fear of failure.  It’s far more valuable than success.  Take ownership, take chances, and have fun.  And no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.”