Letters and Moving, Two Different Emotions

As some of you may know, my summer goal was to write hand written letters to people to because I have realized that is what matters and that is what is appreciated.  A text or phone call does not mean near the same as a hand written letter that is received through the mail.

Anyways, I wrote my friend Susan a very detailed letter about how I am thankful for her friendship and how I am thankful to have her support each and every day with my Lyme disease.  She is the person who got me to my current doctor and who has continually checked up on me during my harshest protocols; she understands  what its like to go through hell and still be alive.  She texted me last night saying, “I got your book and card today… that was so incredibly sweet!!!! Know that I am that the lucky one that somehow you found your way to me.”  This was just a portion of the text but sometimes all you need is a little pick me up after such a long week!

Then I had mailed one of my best friends Taylor a letter!  I had finally found her address when I was cleaning out my room and she too has been going through a rough time and her response was,” eeeeeeps! You sent me a card! I love you!.... I just got it cause we had our mail held while we were gone.  My Dad still has his letter!”  Taylor and her family are extremely strong and I know they can get through anything, but sometimes cards are a nice reminder that there are better things ahead and that people are thinking of you!  <3

Now those were my pick me ups for the week, in terms of how my actual week has been it has been rough.  After crashing my car, starting a new IV protocol, and moving into a new house for school that isn’t ready I have been overly emotional.  I can’t seem to make my eyes stop crying and sometimes I feel like people judge me based on how emotional I get, but how can I not get emotional when I walk into a house that I am paying a ton of money for and it is not remotely finished.  There was no bed or desk in my room.  There were no couches or TV in the living room or table in the kitchen.  There were a ton of construction errors all through out the house like a whole in my wall in the bathroom because there was no doorstopper, a whole in my roommate’s bathtub; these are all things that should have already been fixed.  PLUS, the house was absolutely filthy, the carpets were brown. 

A normal person could have handled this, but not someone who is battling a chronic illness, trying to dose antibiotics properly, figure out her life, just crashed a car, and on top of all of that realized her best friend is leaving in a few days.  What is normalcy?   Will I ever get there again?  My mom is really hard on me about expressing my emotions and crying, but what happens if I hold it all in… Will I eventually explode?  Will I get to a point of giving up?  In my opinion it is better to express my emotions, I’d rather have my emotions in then out, but that is my opinion.  Paige can’t express emotions normally so our deep bond is a weird one considering I overly express emotions and she can’t express emotions properly.

Thank God my good friend Eric and his brother helped me move into my new house because without their help I don’t know how I would have handled things and I don’t know how my Mom and Paige would have been able to handle all of the lifting.  They are too kind; I am lucky to have them in my life.  Plus my good friend Kelsey came over for dinner to meet my mom since Kelsey lives in Harrisonburg and her husband Tyler changes my dressing and the two of them have been so instrumental in my life if they know it or not.  Although I am sick as hell I have met the most incredible people along the way.  It was nice to have Paige, Kelsey, John, and Eric all at the dinner table with my Mom for my first meal in my new house; it felt very special.  I love being surrounded by such a supportive group of people.  Plus, it was not a IV antibiotic day THANK THE LORD or I would have been more sluggish than normal, nauseous and cranky.  I still did not feel great, by the end of the day my friend Eric told me I had to sleep that my eyes were rolling around and I was faling asleep standing but still I am stubborn and I wanted to finish sorting my closet; eventually he won and I did fall asleep and I had 4 missed calls in that 1 hour that I did fall asleep!!!  I needed the sleep though I felt like shit no doubt about it.  My muscles hurt and I was having severe nerve pain, but I was still pushing through it!  

Not a great photo but you get the idea!

The first night in the new house was great with Paige; I wouldn’t have wanted to spend it any other way.  We did some yoga, went for a walk, had some frozen yogurt, chatted, and then said goodnight to each other.  Seeing Paige everyday reminds me that I can and will do this; I find strength in our friendship to persevere.

“There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.  I am turning the page, over and over again until I beat this disease.”